The primary and driving motivation for a type One is a desire to be right, to have integrity and balance, to strive higher and improve others, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves and to be beyond criticism. Tell me how that resonates and how that plays out in your life.
How that explanation feels most true for me is that idea of integrity and consistency of ideals. Even before knowing about the Enneagram there has always been a big part of me that was, above most other things, deeply concerned about actually being the person I believe myself to be as well as the person I put myself forward to be. I feel like I can handle many deficiencies in my personality and own up to a lot of my own failings and short-comings, but if I feel like I have been inconsistent, or if someone believes me to be something that I'm not, those are the kinds of things that are extremely difficult to accept.
What do you wish people knew about what it's like to be a One? What do you wish people knew about Ones in general?
Within the world of the Enneagram I hope that people understand that "perfect" can be a very subjective idea for any given One. What I think is "perfect" or "right" (etc.) might not be what another One perceives to be those things, and they certainly might not be what someone as an outsider sees as "perfect" or "right." So the moral of that story is simply to get to know a One in your life before assuming their view, opinion, or reasons for doing certain things.
On a lighter note, I wish people who work with me would use me more to troubleshoot with them on projects – that my strength of being able to be objectively critical and see flaws would be utilized in a way that brings value to the organization. Oftentimes, the kind of criticism I would bring is not invited and, therefore, can feel just plain mean if volunteered, so I usually don't say anything.
How has getting to know yourself better using the Enneagram affected your relationship dynamics?
It has definitely helped me to step outside of my emotions at times and accept others for who they are. It has helped immensely with empathy for people who are opposites of me in personality.
What is your relationship to your wings?
I present outwardly as a Two most of the time. I think that a lot of this has to do with my genuine pleasure in helping others, being raised in a family that encouraged this kind of helpfulness (communal dynamics), and also I think that my idyllic One-ness lends toward me having a bigger Two wing as a result of growing up in church and believing that the way of Christ is to serve others. I think in a funny way it's actually my One following the "right way to live" that bolsters my Two.
My Nine wing I think has contributed to me being able to really hear from others. I was often a peacemaker in my family, translating between different parties (Dad, Mom, Brother) because I was the only one who could see all their perspectives. I think my Nine has also tempered my argumentative side, but these days that feels like a kind of handicap as I am trying to grow in confrontation without jumping instantly into rage.
Tell me what it looks like for you when you access your growth and stress numbers.
Not sure I'm so lucid yet as to be able to "access" them... although there have been times it seems like I can just decide to be fun. For me it feels like in the past (high school and college) other people have "flipped on" my Seven for me.
Through some pretty significant past times of heartache I think my Four was a good friend to me, helping me process some heavy emotions and providing a catharsis through creative outlet. Most of the time, though, it feels like my Four can carry me away like a freaking river rapid if I don't pay close enough attention.
What's something about you that's different than how ones are described? OR what's something in the one description that you don't connect with?
I don't seem to care as much about the outward appearances of things the way Ones are described. I do enjoy bringing order to chaotic environments, but at the same time I can be totally comfortable in a mess.